I wanted to reprint my article from last August in the time of self quarantine because it is on the lighter-side and it is originalish.
I did get a lot right but Tottenham Hotspur threw a wrench into all my prediction. Thank you, Poch!
Are you asking this question to yourself right now? This question tends to have a lot of versions. Will my team survive relegation? Will my team finish in the top 10? Who will finish 4th with no Arsene Wenger in plain sight? and most importantly, Will my team win the league, really?
We are still Rocky Balboa and not Ivan Drago - Jurgen Klopp
If you're one of the person who asks yourself the haunted question and follows that with a vigorous head-shake of disappointment, then the article will not have a poetic ending for you.
Lets start ranking them, Let It Rip.
BRIGHTON & HOVE ALBION F.C, HUDDERSFIELD TOWN A.F.C, NEWCASTLE UNITED.
These teams are trying to stay afloat. Brighton saved relegation last year but a depleting squad and zero star-power means it will be tough to repeat. Glen Murray is 34 and the hope for the hove (wordplay!).
Huddersfield is living on borrowed time and unbelievable grit. David Wagner is a true leader of the team and the players believe him. Huddersfield need to 'huddle-up' for a long and ugly season.
Newcastle did not add to their roster. Benitez might be the odds on favorite to be the first one to lose his job. Newcastle, more like 'same-old'castle.
WISH WE WERE BETTER BUT THIS WILL DO.
CARDIFF CITY, WATFORD F.C., SOUTHAMPTON, FULHAM F.C.
Cardiff are the betting favorite to get relegated upcoming season. Cardiff will not be lacking gut but glory will be hard to come by. I trust Neil Warnock as a manager but Cardiff season might be full of 'Hard-ifs'.
Watford has a new manager in Garcia. They lost star player Richarlison to Everton. The team is likely to struggle. Watford or watthefu..ord!
Southampton can be a boom or bust team under Mark Hughes. They have a solid English attack with Ings, Long and Ausitn, just like eggs, sausage and tea. The good thing is Southampton always develop young players for Liverpool. Amen to that (Saints, get it!)
Fulham is owned by Shad Khan. I don't trust a man who thinks Blake Bortles can be a starting quarterback. They have made good buys but not enough to get into the top 10. Fulham can shock the world and be 'Fuller-ham'.
TOP 10 IS OUR TOP 4, FOR REAL!
CRYSTAL PALACE F.C., LEICESTER CITY F.C., BURNLEY F.C., A.F.C BOURNEMOUTH
Roy Hodgson pulled off the crystal ball ending last season. The Good: Palace kept Zaha from leaving the team. The Bad: they kept Benteke from leaving the team. The team name sounds Victorian but they are quite pedestrian. Lets start calling Crystal Palace as Bronze Hut till they are any good.
Leicester City reached the peak of their existence few years ago. Now they are here for the jolly good time and those TV cash. Mahrez left, Vardy is getting old and Schmeichel might leave too. If you are asking what's good in Leicester, have you seen the mascot? (trust me, it doesn't get better).
Burnley F.C. needs to change their jersey. You can't dream of big leagues and have a West Ham United jersey. Burnley lacks the depth in their team to balance Europa and the League. Sam Dyche has been an unbelievable manager for the team. Burnley would hope to continue their historic run. Burnley will be up for the gnarly season.
Bournemouth is an uneventful team. They like to stay under the radar. Eddie Howe has been able to keep the ship on route. Callum Wilson is a star in the making. Which spy loves A.F.C Bournemouth? Jason Bourne.
FINISHING TOP 6 IN EPL AIN'T A JOKE, LADY OR MAN
WEST HAM UNITED F.C., WOLVERHAMPTON WANDERERS F.C., EVERTON F.C.
West Ham are just a better version of Burnley. There I said it. They don't even have a cool stadium anymore. They call themselves the Hammers, they have been screwing up all their life. Pellegrini will look to bring the winning pedigree, while Chicarito will try to not be offside. West Ham 'Are-not-a-witch', they are very 'Noble'.
Wolverhampton Wanderers F.C., the name scares me. What if they never make to any away game and wander off somewhere! They have the coolest looking logo (Tottenham, I am talking to you, Chicken, really!). Ruben Neves will be the breakout star this year. Raul Jimenez is a legit forward and they look set to pull of championship to top 8 finish.
Everton has the new money. Everton has the new coach, Everton has the new players and Phil Jagielka. Everton fans will be happy to witness a better brand of football than under Big Sam. Evertonians will love some mercy in the Merseyside.
SERIOUSLY, ARE WE PLAYING IN EUROPA AGAIN
CHELSEA F.C., MANCHESTER UNITED
Chelsea is going through another transition under another coaching staff. Thibaut has left for better Croquettes and Paella in Spain. Hazard wants to join him too. The competition is rising while the stability of the organisation is falling. If you are a ChelSEA fan, you will be salty after this season.
Manchester United have failed to sign most of their summer targets. Jose Mourinho has failed to sign off on any offense. Every Manchester United fan would hope for the offense to be as flamboyant as Pogba's hair. The Red Devils are a little blue and Alexis Sanchez is a little fat.
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE BAYBAY!
ARSENAL F.C., TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR F.C.
Unai Emery will bring back the glorious 4th position to Arsenal. The team has solidified at every position. Aubemeyang is all set to go on a scoring spree. How can you take a team seriously when it is named 'Arse-anal'. WOW! revelation.
Tottenham is not your regular spur, they are the HOT-SPUR. I smell insecurity. The London rivals to Arsenal have not sold or signed anyone this off season. They are solid at the back, fluid in the middle and destructive in the front. Harry Kane is a true hurricane. The time is now for the Spurs to win but they probably won't.
SO CLOSE YET SO FAR
MANCHESTER CITY F.C.
Pep Guardiola looks like a French painter living in Sicily. It is not relevant to Manchester City not winning the league this year. They have not improved their defense from last year. Mahrez will be a great second team addition. The owners will be going for the Champions League trophy, while putting the premier league on the backseat. They lack one thing that my predicted winners have - soul.
IS IT FINALLY OUR YEAR!
It can't be! Is it actually happening? Liverpool is worthy again, I said it. You might have heard Liverpool fans say this is our year over and over. You might have laughed on their face. I won't blame you. I look into the mirror and laugh at myself too. They have a good keeper. They have back ups at every position. They are as tasty as Chicken Tikka Mo Salah. They have the normal one and they have soul. Even though the stadium is named An-field (excuse the vowel, article and English knowledge of Scousers), they are here to take the English Premier League back to where it belongs - HOME.
Did your team win? if yes, then your team has the best defender in the world. If your team didn't win then I have two words for you, SUCK IT.