This is day seven of isolation inside my New Jersey apartment overlooking the eerie silence of midtown Manhattan skyline. I get up from another uncalled yet reassuring afternoon nap. I see the Sun going down and ask google to play some music. To my surprise and blithe, Jordan Davis' country-pop melody 'Slow Dance In A Parking Lot' comes on while my conscience guesses if the outside feels like spring already or the shackles of winter haven't let go yet. Even though I am living in the epicenter of American pandemic war zone, the golden hour lighting from inside the glass of infinite captivity felt mysteriously freeing. I smirked and uttered to a crowd of myself, 'it's missing one simple detail: a bowl of cereal'.
Cereal has never let me go to sleep hungry. Cereal has never questioned my choices. Cereal has lived on my pantry shelves through the hot girl summer, the crossfit fall, the great depression, and the pandemic winter from hell. Cereal is the Larry Fitzgerald of food, it is the mark of dependability. I poured my cereal, always add two different cereal with contemporary textures (one acts as the base cereal and the other adds crunch/ sugar) followed by cold milk of perfection. I have always been known to stock up on my cereals like the post apocalyptic toilet paper hoarding class of 2020.
I walked down back to my bed, opened my laptop and the god of cereal flashed across my sugared up brain. The signs were clear and present, I was chosen to list up the best cereals of our time.
THE ONE YOU MARRY
HONEY BUNCHES OF OATS
A whole grain breakfast cereal with crispy flakes, wholesome oats, and a touch of honey is the perfect base cereal. I believe in having two cereals at all times and this is the primary cereal. More importantly, I have been having it for years on a daily basis and it never disappoints. The honey feel in the back of my brain is synonymous to Aaron Rodger's deep ball perfection.
Cereal Score: 7.5 crispy flakes
THE TOM BRADY OF CEREAL
CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH
There is cereal and then there is box of happiness. Cinnamon Toast Crunch (CTC) box is happiness. Not only does it taste great, CTC adds to the aftertaste of milk. If you like churros then you will shed few tears of holiness while consuming this legendary box of rectangular sugary soul food. Bath me in cinnamon toast crunch.
Cereal Score: 9.25 bags of cinnamon
THE TASTY SOUND OF CEREAL
Sweet, golden and crunchy. It goes best with flavored milk and any detective drama playing in the background. If you are feeling frisky then go for the crunch berries or the peanut butter crunch. The unapologetic corniness on a couch is the greatest one-two punch.
Cereal Score: 7.25 CAP'N
COLOR ME CRAZY
I have never seen a box of Froot loops and decided to not pour myself a bowl of cereal. It is colorful, aromatic and remainder of everything you wanted in life as a little kid. Does the different colors of loop taste different? Birds love Froot Loops too!
Cereal Score: 7.5 Baby Toucans
THE MILK METAMORPHOSIS
Cocoa puffs are the desert of cereals. The after milk situation is a story told in Michelin folklores. The cocoa puff is less of a breakfast and more of a treat. Cuckoo for the cocoa is a tagline of great marketing mastery. Apparently it is a great source of Vitamin D.
Cereal Score: 7.5 cocoa dusts
SADNESS + PEANUT BUTTER = NOT SADNESS
Reese's has never hurt anyone. Reese's cups are the best kind of candy but a Reese's and cereal collab is the best tag team since the Hardy Boys. The only problem is that it's too good to have everyday and I often feel undeserving of Reese's puffs goodness.
Cereal Score: 8 Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
OLD SCHOOL OG
Mostly, I see past Frosted Flakes on the cereal isle but it is so tasty. That's all.
Cereal Score: 8.5 Sugar-rush
As the story must end, cereal never let anyone down. There are no wrong answer to a cereal craving and there is only one heaven few blocks from your abode, we call it the cereal isle. I am going to pour myself a bowl of cereal to celebrate this article.